Weigh in 2:39

I had to do a little math today to figure out what the title of this weigh in is  6 missed weeks.  Here is the damage:

Current Weight: 295.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -6.2 lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -10.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 144.6 lbs

I went back and looked at my weigh in from this week last year and I was at 293.8, so the past year has been a wash.  I will say this:  I have maintained a reasonably healthy lifestyle, I have not backtracked, I have had a couple of good gigs, and I think I have finally pushed through the burnout I have been dealing with.  The past six weeks have been "the deep breath before the plunge" to quote Tolkien.  I  feel the need not to rationalize my actions, but to "jujitsu" the admitted failures into a springboard for positive action moving forward. I think I can do that.  I had 4 great days this week, and I probably salvaged 3 or 4 pounds by getting back on track earlier in the week.  My show closes Sunday, and the rental season is slowing, so a re-commitment to the principals that succeeded last year should be within my power.  A renewed focus on physical health needs to be there as well, so walks and workouts need to pick up.  I know that very quickly I can get back to my low water mark and beyond.

Back From Over The Edge

Oh boy.  September 9th was the last time I posted on the blog.  In the last 5 1/2 weeks I have not really been living the lifestyle I set up for myself over the past year and a half.  In a way that was nice.  Between my show and work the mental break was welcome.  Devoting the time, effort, and energy needed to focus on losing weight was proving a bit much for me in that environment.  Needless to say I have been regressing a bit.  My clothes are fitting a bit tighter, my belly and face are a bit rounder, and a few of the minor issues I hadn't experienced in a while came back, like a bit of heartburn in the evenings.  At this point rationalizing and excusing this, or trying to, does very little.  I am not happy about it, but I shouldn't be.  Every day away from this blog and from good habits made it a bit easier to forget about them on the next day as well.  As the consequences of my inaction started to add up though I found myself really wanting to get back on track.  I am not where I want to be yet.  So I'm back!

Here is the lesson I will take the most heed of from the past few weeks: It did not take long for the process of living healthy to seem incredibly daunting after falling off the wagon, despite a year and a half's worth of evidence proving I could do this.  Its amazing.  Some bad habits came back pretty fast, and to be honest I expected some of that.  I am addicted to sugar.  I know that.  I have compulsive urges to go buy candy.  I was not ridiculously unhealthy either, but I did overeat and the lack of discipline got me into trouble with meal scheduling, and those things really add up.  I'm back now though.  I know what I need to do.  Last night I cooked up a bunch of chicken that I have to eat over the next 5 or 6 days.  I have Brussels Sprouts, peppers, and lettuce in the house, so I have the ingredients to capitalize on the rest of the week.  I will be logging my calories for the foreseeable future, and I think that posting them here is not a bad idea to keep me honest.  Without rationalizing this I would really like to use the "break" as a positive.  My show is about to close and work is slowing down.  The excuses are falling away.  They are even building a Subway on my block so that I can have a great meal option when I don't feel like cooking.  I need to take advantage of this time, and I plan to.

Weigh in 2:33

Positive progress!  This week has been so exhausting that I haven't had too much time to make bad decisions.  I have been trying to get back into a good pattern and had some success.  During the day I wasn't all that hungry this week so I was able to be really diligent about portion sizes and meal times.  After rehearsal was the real challenge for me this week.  Coming home late after the biggest energy expenditure of the day and having leftovers and snacks readily available has been very difficult, because I am genuinely hungry.  I am eating dinner at the latest around 6:45 and coming home around midnight.  I don't think it would be possible to not eat something, but I have tried to be smart about what I eat.  It seems to have worked, at least in part.  Here are the numbers:

Current Weight: 289.4 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 2.2lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -4.2 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 150.8 lbs

Back on the right side of 290.  Well on my way to being under 280 by October 1st.  I also feel a lot better this week.  I didn't realize that I was feeling less than my best until I started eating a bit better.

One of my successes this week was turning a holiday cookout into a chance to make a really good choice.  I decided I would make turkey burgers, which are perfectly acceptable, but leave some things to be desired.  Burgers are hard because they never really have a ton of veggies.  I took inspiration from meatloaf and decided to make a turkey veggie pattie.  It turned out incredible.  Not only did it shave off calories and create a more balanced meal, it kept the burgers very moist, which if you've ever made turkey burgers you know can be a big issue.  I went freehand, but here is the recipe to the best of my recollection.

Turkey Veggie Burgers:

20 oz low fat ground turkey
1 Red bell pepper - diced finely
1 Green bell pepper - diced finely
1 half standard package cremini mushrooms chopped finely
One medium onion - diced finely
Half Zuchini - Diced very finely
1-2 cloves garlic, pressed or minced very finely
1T Worcestershire Sauce
Dried Rosemary to taste
1/2 t poultry seasoning
2 T milk or water soaked bread
Garlic powder
Salt
Black pepper

Saute onions, salted heavily, over medium low in butter or oil until lightly brown and sweet, 8-10 minutes.

Add other vegetables and mushrooms, Worcestershire Sauce, and seasonings.  Increase heat to medium and saute until soft and the mushrooms have soaked up most of the liquid.

Remove mixture to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool completely. Once cool reserve 1/4 of mixture.

Add ground turkey, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and wet bread.  Mix by hand until homogeneous.  Try to make sure the bread is very evenly distributed. 

Form into patties, I made 6.  If the burgers do not have trouble holding together you can add the rest of the veggie mixture, and mine were fine with all of it in.  They are very delicate, so refrigerate until just before cooking.

Grill over medium heat until cooked through, at least 5 minutes per side, but these are hard to overcook, so go as long as you like.  DO NOT COOK LESS THAN WELL DONE.

Serve on your preferred burger vessel.  Very good with mustard, or unadorned.

If anybody tries these out let me know what you think.  My favorite thing about these burgers after the flavor, which is great, is the fact that the mixture stretches the turkey so that a good sized pattie has about 3 1/3 oz.  Two patties is a very filling meal but really only has one serving worth of turkey.  With a sensible side and low calorie buns (like the sandwich thins from Arnold/Orowheat) you're very balanced and not blowing your calorie totals.

I also realize this recipe sounds like a lot of work.  If you like, process all the veggies but the onions together in a food processor until finely chopped.  The onions need to be separate or they won't brown properly.

Weigh in 2:32

If I have gotten any lesson from the past few weeks it is that bad habits are a lot easier to slip back into than they were to kick in the first place.  Snacking, sugar, and poor planning have been my downfall over the past few weeks.  Yesterday I once again started calorie tracking so I can at least have a little bit of instant accountability.  I forgot how much easier it was to say no to that extra serving or mindless snack if you have to put it in the log.  With tech starting for my show I do not know how much planning  I will be able to do, but at least I can keep myself on the straight and narrow.  I have not felt well at all over the past few days because of the crappy diet I have been feeding myself for the past couple weeks, and that has to stop.  Here are the numbers, and my commitment this week is that this is as high as it goes.

Current Weight: 291.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -1lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -6.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 148.6 lbs

Weigh in 2:31

I am really picking up some bad habits in the past few weeks.  I am ok with just about anything I do as long as it is a choice.  I feel like I am slipping into things that are not good habits to have and I am not giving them their proper thought.  Tomorrow I need to start fresh.  It will not be easy with work and the show, but I have done it before, and I know I can do better than this.  My goal for september is 10-15 pounds.  I want to get back below 280 and I know I can do it if I buckle down and do the work.  I have backtracked too far now.  It is time to get to work.

Current Weight: 290.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -2lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -3.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 149.6 lbs

Weigh in 2:30

Getting back into the swing of things.  Adjusting to a very full schedule after a few slower weeks has been a bit trying.   I think I allowed the added stress on my time to affect my choices.  I did not plan well enough and made some poor choices. With the job and a show it is part of the deal, but I know I can do better.


Current Weight: 288.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -2lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -3.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 151.6 lbs

Weigh in 2:29

I probably should have learned by now that the rational component of this journey is vastly overrated.  There are so many variables that the minute I think I have a grasp on a pattern, the minute I think I have it all figured out, is the day I am proved to be wrong.  Sometimes this is frustrating.  Sometimes it is great.  Today I was more than happy to be proved wrong.  I was expecting a big jump in my weight.  I was not particularly good over my vacation.  I ate what I felt like, I went out carousing, and I did not get in much exercise. What I did do was have a fantastic, relaxing, rejuvenating week.  When I got back to Chicago I made a concerted effort to get back into a good pattern.  I ate nothing but salad with grilled chicken for lunch and dinner for two days, and after barbecue, cake, and beer for a week this was nicely cleansing.  In my internal algebra I thought that a week of hedonism would outweight 4 days of austerity.  I was gloriously wrong.  Here are the numbers:

Current Weight: 286.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0.4lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -1.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 153.6 lbs

Is it a big weight loss? No.  am I OK with that.  Absolutely!  I think what I have failed to equate, and what is impossible to quantify, is happiness.  I had been counting on good results to act as reinforcement.  The converse was that when I had less than ideal results I was a bit down, and that fed on itself.  By doing things to just have fun and not really thinking about it I reduced my stress, enjoyed my life a lot more, and still got good results, which has only served to reinforce the effects pf a good vacation.  How do I hold on to this?  I have no idea, and I think worrying about it too much is counterproductive.  What I will take from this is to stop trying so hard to be perfect, to give myself a little more of what I need psychologically, and enjoy things as they come along.  If I get back to focusing on doing the best I can in the moment I think I will enjoy this journey a lot more.  It doesn't hurt that I have had several people think I was 20-30 pounds lighter than I am this week.  I'll take that any day.

(Note that week 28 was skipped because of vacation)