Weigh in 4:1

While this is not week one, this is the first official weigh in of the fourth year(!) of this blog. Year 3 was pretty awful, so here is to turning over an old leaf, so to speak. I weighed in at 404.4 this morning. It has been slow going the past 5 weeks, but I have been going. I've lost about 1 lb a week so far. Not great, but losing is always preferable to gaining. Let's see how this week goes.

Have A Nice Day

If Friday night was not my best (I went out for drinks with friends) then yesterday was that much better because of it. I managed to stay 10 points below my budget without being hungry all day. As always veggies were the key. Both of my main meals were salads and that has always been a great way for me to get full for fewer calories. I even found a new dressing to make that helped with the salad fatigue. Today is the second day of my salad plateau buster so I need to to keep up the good work today and hope that it kickstarts my weight loss. I am not expecting great numbers tomorrow just because of the slacking off I did Monday and Friday this week. Drinking has always thrown major speed bumps in my progress, more than just the calories. That is not to say i have some sort of problem. i probably only indulge once a week at most, but something about alcohol stalls my weight loss for a few days. I'm not sure why, but I know it will happen, so I'm not going to worry about tomorrow's weigh in. In the coming week, though, I'd love to see big numbers. I'd love to see myself back in the 300s by next week. We shall see.

Struggles

Monday Monday. That day kicked my ass. I got stuck out without many good options and by the time I got home I was hungry and had a lot less in the fridge than I thought I did. I haven't had all of my discretionary points this week, but I certainly haven't buckled down the way I'd like. I made a quick grocery run today and have salad and chicken for a couple days worth of meals. Certainly enough to kickstart things. My usual plateau buster is a couple days of salads. I have made good progress with cutting out sweets and I have gotten much better with my water intake. I am making the right strides, but I haven't really buckled down yet, and I need to. I need to do it soon if I plan to get anywhere near my goals for may. Lets see if I can really buckle down and get some positive results this week.

Progress

Last week, though not as successful as I would have liked, was positive. I lost about 3 pounds, which got me off of a plateau I had been on. I think the points system is a bit dangerous for me. One of he things I learned early on was that the type of food I ate was just as important as the amount. Points don't have that taken in, though dietary fiber does mitigate some points in certain foods. A good combination of what I did before and what I am doing now should give me the ease I am looking for without the mental strain that kept me from doing the work in the first place. Lets see how this week goes.

If I Am Thinking About It

If I am thinking about the blog I am going to post.  I need to get back in the habit.  My success can be tracked exactly by how frequently I post.  When I was on top of it and posting at least weekly I was losing weight.  When I stopped posting I stopped losing.  I wish there was a Weight Watchers widget for blogger so I could easily post my points on a daily basis.  I went over today, but I treated myself to some middle eastern food and while I may have overeaten a little bit it was all pretty healthy stuff:  Shawarma, Hummus, pita, veggies.  I also had not used any of my weekly points yet, and still have 40 or so left.

For those of you not familiar with Weight Watcher Points Plus system it is a way of tracking your intake.  The program allocates a certain number of points that you can (and should) use daily.  For me that is 71.  I figure each point is worth roughly 40 calories, so 2800 calories a day, which seems about right.  Those points are only usable on that day.  You also get a bank for the week that you can use at any time.  I get 49 additional points a week to use for parties, cheat days, if I want a drink or desert every once in a while.  I have been staying pretty much on track with the points, but haven't had much success yet.  I lost 5 pounds over the first two weeks and I have gained a pound or so over the last 2 weeks.  I think this is due to a combination of slightly underestimating how much I am eating, which is difficult no matter what system you use, particularly if you freehand cook like I do, and Weight Watchers possibly allocating too many points for the week.  I am going to stick as closely to the plan as I can this week and try to leave about 20 points on the board.  If I do not see better results I will take points away from my daily balance.  We shall see how things go.

Walking A Maze Blindfolded

That is what doing this all over again has felt like.  It is all the more frustrating because I have done this maze before, so it feels like doing it again should be even easier.  Since visiting my folks for my birthday I have made some very positive changes.  I am eating out a lot less, I have cut most of the sugar out of my diet, and I am making better choices on a meal to meal basis.  I am just not seeing the results.

I have stopped gaining weight, which is a step in the right direction I suppose. I also can't help but feel that once I break that barrier and start losing I am set up for success.  My parents are doing Weight Watchers, and I joined them to give myself fewer excuses to keep good track of my intake.  Calories in/ Calories out is not good enough anymore, and weight watchers takes into account some of the other things I need to keep in mind.

My big goal is to lose 50 pounds by the time I go back to Houston for my theater teacher's 20 year celebration.  I had set 390 by March 1st as my first goal, but that looks like it is not going to happen.  375 by April 1 is the next goal, and I feel it is achievable if I focus on a few things.  1: keep up the good work with my diet. 2: get more physical activity.  Not having something to do everyday makes staying sedentary all too easy, especially with the awful weather here in Chicago. 3: Focus on sodium.  My blood pressure is too high, and flushing out that crap should help take other bad things with it.

The Show That Never Ends

Trying to avoid messing up is the easiest way to do it.  This is a lesson I learned this summer with regards to my acting, but six months after my classes it is hitting me to apply this to my life.  A sports truism is that you play to win, not to not lose.  The past year I have been playing not to lose.  I have not respected myself and this journey and I've paid the price with a huge setback.  I am not all the way back to where I was, but I have gained back over 100 pounds.  What I forgot is that this is not a game.  It doesn't end, so I can't lose.  But I haven't even been participating.

Trying to avoid admitting this has made it far to easy not to get back to doing the things that made me successful in the first place.  In some perverse way making the change was owning the mistake, and I was avoiding it.  But this morning I got back on the scale, ate a salad, and so far today has been a step in the right direction.  I frequently allow myself to be a victim of inertia, and the stress of my former job and the boredom of not working have taken their toll.  I let myself grind to a halt.  I feel a bit stupid, because as much as I want to believe it is hard it really isn't.  As long as I set myself up to be successful I have a much better chance to be.  It is about playing to win.

I took a year off, essentially, but I am allowing myself to be held accountable.  It is the only way I can get back on the stick.  This morning I was 404 pounds.  I told myself before I would never have that 4 in front again.  I plan to make this the last week it does.