Sunday, January 6, 2013

The Show That Never Ends

Trying to avoid messing up is the easiest way to do it.  This is a lesson I learned this summer with regards to my acting, but six months after my classes it is hitting me to apply this to my life.  A sports truism is that you play to win, not to not lose.  The past year I have been playing not to lose.  I have not respected myself and this journey and I've paid the price with a huge setback.  I am not all the way back to where I was, but I have gained back over 100 pounds.  What I forgot is that this is not a game.  It doesn't end, so I can't lose.  But I haven't even been participating.

Trying to avoid admitting this has made it far to easy not to get back to doing the things that made me successful in the first place.  In some perverse way making the change was owning the mistake, and I was avoiding it.  But this morning I got back on the scale, ate a salad, and so far today has been a step in the right direction.  I frequently allow myself to be a victim of inertia, and the stress of my former job and the boredom of not working have taken their toll.  I let myself grind to a halt.  I feel a bit stupid, because as much as I want to believe it is hard it really isn't.  As long as I set myself up to be successful I have a much better chance to be.  It is about playing to win.

I took a year off, essentially, but I am allowing myself to be held accountable.  It is the only way I can get back on the stick.  This morning I was 404 pounds.  I told myself before I would never have that 4 in front again.  I plan to make this the last week it does.