Oof. Not a great week. I came in at 388.2, which is a considerable backtrack. The combination of tech, bad choices, and some other things definitely put me on the back foot, but there was some good this week too. My clothes are fitting more loosely and considering how physically demanding the show can be I would like to think I gained a bit of muscle last week. This is the time of year when football games, get togethers, family visits, and holidays start to conspire against me, so I need to be extra vigilant. I have made some positive choices already this week, so here's hoping for a nice loss.
A little late once again, but tech week will do that to you. I came in at 384.4 this past week, which is a solid loss. All of the dancing and work we've been doing for the show has given me a bit of leeway the past week, but it is back to mindfulness now that the madness has calmed a bit. I will of course post a weigh in this coming week, but I have no idea how things will look. and I'm going to make the choice to be OK with that now. It will make things much more enjoyable down the road.
Halfway through the year. I'd be lying if I were to say I am where I expected I would be. This far into my weight loss in 2010 I had lost 112 pounds, which is an unbelievable number. This time around I have lost just over 30. I weighed in this morning at 385.6. I am still learning not to compare the two. I am on the right track and this time around I feel I am progressing in a much more sustainable way. As energized and successful as I felt last time I can look back on it and see that I was not buying into the lifelong aspect of this journey. So, smaller numbers, but slow and steady wins a race like this.
I planned to pen a post this weekend and I did not, but the points I was pondering then are still applicable (Alliteration over). The past couple weeks in my life I have been pointed to not just the power of choice, but the power of positive choice. It may seem ridiculous, but I feel that one can make the same decision for two different reasons, and because one comes from a positive and one from a negative the results will be vastly different. In my life the last few years I have made many fantastic choices for terrible reasons: I eat healthy because I want to avoid health problems, I want to not be fat, I want to avoid being seen as something I do not want to be, I cannot do this because it will cause bad things to happen. Lately I have been trying to focus on positive choice: I eat healthy because it is a gift to my body, I want to achieve certain physical goals, I want to be seen as a collection of positive attributes, I can chose this because in the long run I will be happier. Until recently I would have said this was "six of one, half dozen of the other". And I would have been wrong.
This is a lesson I was first exposed to by Audrey Francis at school last summer, and continue to be faced with both artistically and personally. Avoidance and negative choice is the surest way to create negative consequence. Rather than working to avoid an undesirable outcome I should chose to work toward something positive. Looking back it is no wonder I got burned out after spending so much time denying, avoiding, and making saying "I can't" several times a day. If each meal becomes an opportunity to treat myself well rather than a pitfall to avoid then the habits I want to form will become much easier to live with, and I can create a personal culture of self-worth. Ultimately I have to accept that I am worth healthy food, strength in my body, and pride in my career. And self worth is something I have to learn. Thank God I have so many opportunities to do something right for myself.
Well, that was an unplanned break. I didn't really have a good reason for it, I just put the blog low on my priority list. The last couple weeks have been up and down and I am currently at 386.8. I hit 30 pounds down last week and jumped up a bit this week, but I am doing the right things for the most part, including pretty strenuous rehearsals at the moment, so the results should come. This week I definitely need to buckle down a bit on home cooking, so I will be investing time there and hopefully get a nice boost. I saw a neat recipe on Food Network that I plan to adapt to be a bit healthier. Things are pretty busy at the moment, so expect a more complete check in this weekend.