I probably should have learned by now that the rational component of this journey is vastly overrated. There are so many variables that the minute I think I have a grasp on a pattern, the minute I think I have it all figured out, is the day I am proved to be wrong. Sometimes this is frustrating. Sometimes it is great. Today I was more than happy to be proved wrong. I was expecting a big jump in my weight. I was not particularly good over my vacation. I ate what I felt like, I went out carousing, and I did not get in much exercise. What I did do was have a fantastic, relaxing, rejuvenating week. When I got back to Chicago I made a concerted effort to get back into a good pattern. I ate nothing but salad with grilled chicken for lunch and dinner for two days, and after barbecue, cake, and beer for a week this was nicely cleansing. In my internal algebra I thought that a week of hedonism would outweight 4 days of austerity. I was gloriously wrong. Here are the numbers:
Current Weight: 286.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0.4lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -1.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 153.6 lbs
Is it a big weight loss? No. am I OK with that. Absolutely! I think what I have failed to equate, and what is impossible to quantify, is happiness. I had been counting on good results to act as reinforcement. The converse was that when I had less than ideal results I was a bit down, and that fed on itself. By doing things to just have fun and not really thinking about it I reduced my stress, enjoyed my life a lot more, and still got good results, which has only served to reinforce the effects pf a good vacation. How do I hold on to this? I have no idea, and I think worrying about it too much is counterproductive. What I will take from this is to stop trying so hard to be perfect, to give myself a little more of what I need psychologically, and enjoy things as they come along. If I get back to focusing on doing the best I can in the moment I think I will enjoy this journey a lot more. It doesn't hurt that I have had several people think I was 20-30 pounds lighter than I am this week. I'll take that any day.
(Note that week 28 was skipped because of vacation)