Step up, step up and see the Amazing Shrinking Actor. Can he make himself half the size and twice the man? Only time will tell.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Frustration. Shame. Anger. These are my feelings right now. I have backtracked so far, and I am having so much trouble recommitting to the things that I KNOW work for me. Will power has been a real struggle. Lately I have taken the time to assess where these feelings and issues are coming from. I came up with a few answers, and I am taking action on them. The first issue was a series of personal disappointments that I admit made me feel like I wasn't worth the effort. Not consciously, of course, but somewhere down there. That is a constant struggle, but owning it will absolutely help. The other big issue is my job. There are parts of this job I love, but it is just not a healthy environment. Stress is incredibly high, and stress is my number one trigger for poor eating. The job also demands so much of my energy and thought that I haven't been able to give enough thought to my meals and health. That needs to end. This summer I am taking a leave from work to participate in a program that should help me down my path as an actor. This program is a big deal to me, and it will demand a lot from me, but I never feel like I am working with theater, and I know with the structure of the program I will be able to commit to better choices for myself. It has taken me months to feel ok with this line of reasoning. Part of me still feels as if I am using my job as a crutch or excuse. It doesn't matter. THis feels like the right change for me and I am doing it. I hope that I can recommit to this blog too. It helped me so much over the past few years, and I need to get back to that. Day 1 is today.