I have probably said this before, but saying it and appreciating the truth of it from a logical perspective are quite different than actually accepting it. When I got to a weight I was happy with in 2011 I was really burned out. Part of that was from outside forces. Work sucked at that point and my dissatisfaction with the pace of life was at it's zenith. But a lot of it was because I wanted to be done. I was tired of thinking about calories and weigh ins and writing about my successes and failures. I felt the "finish line" was near. So I stopped thinking about it, and I got out of the good habits I had established, and of course I gained the weight back. My current frustration is because I have done this all before, and last time I had so much excitement and that is just not there anymore. I suppose this is good practice for the long term relationship I pray to God I am in someday. In a way, though, these particular frustrations may contribute to a more lasting success. Novelty isn't really going to play in this time, so there will be no let down when it wears off. To stretch the previous metaphor a bit: there is no honeymoon, so there will never be a point when the honeymoon is over.
The most positive thing I can say about this perspective on things is that it is harder to come at it from a self loathing place. As exciting as starting out and losing weight can be it can come from a place of trying to "fix" what is "wrong" with me. This marathon will never end. There is no finishing line, so it doesn't matter how quickly I get there. As frustrated as I am at the moment with my lack of results for the past couple of months since I have been really thinking about this again, I have made progress. I am tracking my food. I am making a conscious choice about everything I put in my body. I have made it infinitely harder to lie to myself about the consequences of this sweet or that snack. And this is something I will need to do for the rest of my life. Some people can play it fast and loose, but I never ever will be one of them. And that should be okay. I should be deliberate about the choices I make or they're not choices at all. Permanent success takes a strong foundation, and I am building that right now, regardless of what the scale says. As I have said in the past: All I can do is make better choices today than I did yesterday. If I do that, I'm gonna be okay.