Ch-Ch-Changes

All of us are getting older.  I am certainly not as far down my path as some, and I hope I have a really long time left, but sometimes I feel a difference.  Today I had an audition early and got pretty sweaty at the lengthy dance call.  I had the rest of the day off, so I decided to treat myself to lunch and a movie.  I got a burger for lunch and a treat at the movie and pretty much destroyed my budget for the day, but I was okay with that because I had not used any of my discretionary points for the week.  What I was not OK with was the way it made me feel.  I was a bit sodden down after lunch, but the treat destroyed me.  I got chocolate covered almonds as a decent choice (but it was still candy).  I thought I was doing ok but by the time they hit my system I could barely see straight.  I had the whole shebang: Headache, rushing pulse, and I felt antsy.  It is official: I cannot do sugar anymore.  When I was younger, as I am sure was true for most of you, I could put back just about anything.  Now I feel worse after eating too much sugar than after drinking a bit too much.  It is a little odd because candy and sweets have been such a big roadblock for me.  I guess this is just another little bit of incentive to be smart about it.

Weigh In 4:8

Another week, another set of solid results.  I was hoping for bigger numbers, but down is good.  I lost nearly 2 pounds this week and I am now down to 395 exactly.  That puts me more than 15 pounds down since starting Weight Watchers, and considering the up and down nature of my progress since then I feel good about that.  I am behind for my May goal, but it is a pretty ambitious one.  What I really need, and what I really WANT is a big week.  6-8 pounds.  One of those every once in a while does so much for my confidence and adds a great boost to my motivation.  One of the nicest things this morning was being able to cross another benchmark off of my fridge.  I should explain.  On my refrigerator I have a graduated countdown for every five pounds.  395 was the next to hit and I got it today, so I got to cross it off.  Next is 390, and I'd like to be there in the next two weeks, although next week is doable if I have a great week.  I haven't really been sacrificing a lot, so in terms of the balance I am striking I am in a pretty good place.  I also got out for 3 legit walks this week, so I am getting much closer to my exercise goals.  Yesterday I got stuck downtown for a few hours so I just walked around.  I started around Willis Tower, went to Millennium Park, walked around the park, got lunch outside, and walked to work.  All in all about 3.5 miles and at least an hours worth of walking.  Unfortunately I was in my dress shoes, so I ended up with some mean blisters, but I had a glorious afternoon, so it was worth it.

One positive from this week is that my cravings for and my ability to resist sweets have gotten better.  I want them far less frequently, and when I do, and I walk into 7-11 and stare at the ice cream cabinet, I am better able to say "No, I can't buy this because I will eat the whole pint right now".  Which would be 900 or so calories.  I also feel sugar in my system a lot more.  If I indulge in more than a modest amount I end up with a killer headache and some pretty bad dyspepsia too.  This is probably from dehydration (sugar is hydrophilic) but the lesson is to keep off the sweet stuff.

Ok, for the coming week I want to keep going on the goals I set last time.  I want to work in a little bit more strength training.  Some core work and a little bit more weights.  I did a little bit of arm work while I was bored, and I can feel it, but I need more consistency if I want lean muscle mass.

Check Up

I went back in today to see how my body has responded to the blood pressure medication and I am very happy to say I am at near normal levels now.  The remaining 10-20 points I need to drop are more properly attributable to my weight and continuing reducing sodium, so there is still progress to be made, but I am definitely on the right track.  Another perverse positive I took from it is that it wasn't all directly my fault.  It is now pretty clear that this is something I am pre-disposed to.  I don't know why, but that makes me feel better about it.  As a bonus he even set me up on some heartburn/reflux medication.  It is the same as the over the counter stuff, but a lot cheaper as prescription.  Who knew?

I have noticed more than once that the quality of my environment plays a large part in how I treat myself.  I made a few changes at home this week that should make it just a little bit nicer of a place to spend time and it really does perk me up.

I treated myself to a little pasta yesterday, but I didn't go overboard and stayed around my point goal for the day.  I still hope for 4 pounds this week and I feel I can do it.

Weigh In 4:7

Solid week.  I was able to let go a little bit this weekend and still have good results.  I would have preferred a slightly bigger number, but I wasn't really disappointed at any time this week (except I got a little tired of salads) so that seems like a solid balance.  I lost 2 pounds this week so I am down to 396.8.  I wanted to be at 390 by today, so I am a bit behind, but I had two pretty awful weeks to start the month, so I am reasonably sure I did the best I could the last 3 or so weeks.

This month my goal is to add back in some more physical activity.  The weather has finally gotten pleasant, at least for the time being, so I went out for a walk last night.  I am also going to start back up some light weight lifting.  Adding some lean muscle mass should help keep my metabolism up and help me burn through more calories even at rest.  I need to be a little bit careful how hard I push things because of my now diagnosed blood pressure issues, so I won't be going balls out anytime soon, but a little here or there 3 or 4 days a week at a minimum should be a good start and help build good habits.

For the past couple weeks a friend and I have been helping to keep each other honest and texting our daily food diary to each other.  I didn't ask her before I posted this, so I will just say thank you to her and that it has been really helpful to have some extra motivation to be smart about my intake, particularly late at night when I am at my weakest in terms of cravings.  It is a lot easier to stay out of the fridge once I have texted at the end of the day, and that has been a really positive step.  I am not really one for meetings or talking about what I eat and my health with strangers (in person) so the blog and a well placed friend are my best tools for staying accountable and making good progress.

So, goals for the month:
Get up to walking or getting some exercise 4 times a week.
Keep tracking every day.
Keep adding more fruit into my diet.  I seem to have great success on the days where I get at least 2 servings.  The fruit seems to stay with me longer and prevents me from getting too hungry.
Get down to 380.  Maybe overly abitious, but I've got 4 and a half weeks, so that's less than 4 pounds a week.  If I am smart and aggressive I can do that no problem.  I am due for some strong weeks.

Anger and Frustration Are Renewable Resources

I have never really had to go looking for stuff to tick me off.  Usually I can find something pretty easily.  All of that is not to say I enjoy it, I really don't, but it is what it is.  Today's peeve really got under my skin, though.  An acquaintance on facebook was talking about today being a 5 cookie day and hash tagged it with something like "fatkidproblems" or something similar.  The issue is that this young woman is no where near what I would call chubby, let alone fat.  She appears to me to be in fantastic physical condition.  Liking cookies doesn't make you fat.  It makes you normal.  Congratulations you like delicious baked goods.  Join the club.

This bothered me so much because being fat sucks.  A lot. It affects everything in my life and while this person can, every once in a while, pig out on cookies I cannot.  I cannot control myself around them so I cannot have them around.  Not her fault, and I am glad there are people who can enjoy those things responsibly.  My other issue was that it treats fat like a state of mind or an action one can make.  I am "being fat" today.  It minimizes what is a dangerous and unfun health condition, something that could kill me if I don't get it under control.  I am not going to say anything to this person because this is my problem not hers, but sometimes you gotta get frustrations like this out early or they fester.  Rant over.

Weigh in 4:6

Weird week friends.  As I mentioned in my last post my appetite has been all over the place.  I didn't do great for 4 straight days, but the last couple have been fantastic.  Last night I had 16 points left when I went to bed.  The inconsistency has made it more difficult to anticipate and control things like cravings, so I am just glad to have lost a little bit this week. I am at 398.8, which is a loss of .6 of a pound.  Considering my difficulties this week I will take it. I had to average three readings from my scale because it was all over the place this morning, twice refusing to even lock in on a number.  I think after 3+ years it is time for a new scale.  I will certainly have mixed feelings about saying goodbye to my companion and source of constant judgment for the last 3 years.

The one pattern I have seen even this week is one I have known about for a long time: fruits and vegetables are the key to controlling my appetite.  When I can have a full pound of salad for lunch for 15-18 points that sets me up great for the rest of the day.  It also sweeps away (so to speak) any small mistakes I might have had because of all the fiber.  I really think that is the key, so that is what I will focus on this week.  Sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, salads, and stir fries (with low sodium sauces).  I'd love to have a really strong end to April and take some good momentum into May.  Looking back to  the first year of my weight loss I am about 20 pounds heavier now than I was at the end of April that year.  Considering I started 30 pounds lighter this time I really need to get on the stick.  I am trying not to so much compare my progress this time to last time, but use it as motivation and to remind me that I have done it before.  I am in a different place mentally this time, so of course it is going to be different.  There are lots of positives for me to build on, though, and I would love to get back to the kind of results I was getting back then.  4-5 pounds or more every week would be fantastic, if even for a few weeks just to get me back on a good trajectory.

Finding My Way (On A New Road)

That will be the title of my new weight loss single.

This week has been an interesting learning experience. The new medication I am on just makes me feel different. I fall asleep a lot more easily, which is generally a positive, but I am a little bit drowsy a lot of the time, and I have a lot of trouble getting up in the morning. My appetite has swung wildly as well. For most of the week I wasn't really all that hungry, and was able to stay 10-15 points under my budget without any hunger or deprivation. On a side note, I haven't really laid this out before, but I have 71 points for the day which near as I can tell is about 2100-2200 calories per day. 10-15 points under is about 300-400 calories, so those days were excellent. The past 3 days or so though I have been ravenous. I am really not sure what causes changes like this. It could be the medication, it could be a blood sugar thing, it could be the dip in temperature. I have no idea, but it certainly has been a struggle. I still have a few of my weekly points left, but I need to really buckle down for the next few days if I want a good weigh in. I am giving myself permission to not be perfect this week, but I would certainly like to at least tread water if not lose weight. All of that being said I can certainly tell a difference since i started the meds. I do not feel as anxious or angry as frequently as I did previously. Recently I had been able to tell the second food hit my system, and I can no longer feel those blood sugar spikes. in a couple weeks I will go back in to see how things are looking with the numbers, but I certainly feel like I am on the right track.

Today is feeling like a salad day. I have the day off, so even though the weather absolutely sucks here in Chi-town (we had moderate flooding after about 6 in of rain, then snow and freezing temps in the last week) I want to get out for a walk. Days like this can be my downfall if I get bored and eat mindlessly, so I need to be on top of that. I am reasonably sure I can use today to kickstart the week, though, so let's get to it.