Saturday, October 9, 2010

Weigh in #37

Current Weight: 299.4 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 3.6 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 140.8 lbs

Why bury the lead?  This feels incredible.  Mid-week I was really worried about reaching the threshold this week.  I hadn't really lost a thing by Wednesday, but I was looking noticeably thinner.  I got a few comments from cast mates last night about that and I think my body really likes to work in chunks.  I think it took a few days to tighten up skin and tone a little bit and then shed a few pounds.  Who am I to complain?  If I am lighter, and I look thinner, and I feel good, then that is a good week.

Perception

Since about 350 I have been thinking about what it would mean to be under 300 pounds.  It is certainly the first time in my adult life I have been anywhere close.  Yesterday when I weighed myself I was 300.0.  Today I am 299.4.  The measurable, empirical difference is .6 pounds, or about 9.5 ounces.  The difference to the way I see myself, and the way others see me is massive.  Having a "3" be the first number in my weight was an automatic "fat".  Only 7 foot tall basketball players are healthy at 300+ lbs.  For everyone else it really doesn't matter how well you carry it, 300 pounds is obese.  The number has a connotative quality.  With a "2" in front of that number it feels so much different.  My goal weight is in the 2s.  Many people look great and are healthy in the 2s. Looking at it in a cold and calculated way I am only a cheeseburger closer to my goal than I was yesterday, but it really feels as if I turned a corner and can see the goal shimmering in the distance.  I have said before that I really don't know where my weight will end up, but all of the fears I had associated with starting this process have come to nothing.  I worried I would be less marketable, but I am in a show right now and just got called by an artistic director this week to be in another.  I worried I would be less myself, but I haven't changed a bit, I just have more energy to pursue the things I want.  I really worried that my self esteem would become tied to my weight, but I realized recently that that is how I was before, and now I have control.  I have finally been able to say, and pardon my language, fuck it to all of the niggling little mind games that I played with myself and the big rewards are starting to come.  Pardon me if I sound a bit full of myself, but I feel allowed today.  It is an exciting time to be me.

7 comments:

  1. i have been watching this from the beginning, and this whole process is one of the most impressive things i've ever seen. not only do you look and feel great, you have probably extended 20 years on your life. this really is one of the best things you have probably ever done for yourself. KEEP IT UP!!!!

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  2. Hell yeah! I especially like your reflection on how your fears have panned out. You rock!

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  3. WOW!! You did it!! The gentle giant of the family has a steel core...What a combination!!Everyone proud and happy about your success. LYMTA M&P

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  4. Congratulations!! This is very awesome. And you can totally have a "full of yourself moment" or four! You have worked HARD to make this happen, my friend!

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  5. Great job Chase, nice to here of your success so far. Just checking around the blog world on what other McCurdys are up to.

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  6. WONDERFUL!!!

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  7. Well Chase, this does not suprise us in the least...you are amazing, just like Chels and Jude, in dealing with all that you have over these many years. Way to go.

    Unc Bob & Jack

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