On Target

I took the opportunity this evening to look back a bit and see how things have matched up with my expectations.  I talked Saturday about how many of the fears I had that previously stalled my progress never materialized.  I had, of course, ideas about the positive changes all of the work would have as well.  Before I get too deep into those I want to reflect on my predictions.  Loyal readers may remember the most epic in what I am sure has been a series of moments of geek: my post Geek Time from July (http://theamazingshrinkingactor.blogspot.com/2010/07/geek-time.html).  In that post I crafted a chart based on an equation I had come up with to not only fit a trend line to my weight loss, but to predict my future results.  It was not perfect as the line was already not quite fitting the data points, but it seems that I wasn't too far off after all.  I had already lost a bit more weight than it predicted as of week 23.  I am now 2 weeks and a day or so ahead of projections.  If I continue on that kind of pace I should be near my goal at week 70, but I am also beginning to think that goal may be too low.  One of my cast mates is maybe half an inch shorter than me and in very good shape and weighs about what I my original goal is.  Taking into account my very large frame and probable extra skin that will not go away for a while I think 240 may be much more realistic.  As I have said the goal is a zephyr, something to shoot for, but ultimately unsubstantial.  Where I stop I stop. 

As for the positive goals many of you can imagine what they are.  I of course want more acting work, and not only is that happening, but it is more musical theater work, something I have always enjoyed and the thing I was probably furthest from at my old weight.  I want good health and I am definitely on the track to that, and I have devoted quite a bit of time on the blog to discussing my progress in that area.  There are several other personal goals that I haven't devoted time to discussing, but I seem to be on the right track for those as well.  A friend of mine mentioned that one of her biggest challenges is making good choices on dates, and that is a problem I look forward to having pretty soon.  One of the fears I had, and one I did not discuss much Saturday, was of losing a part of my identity.  When my dad was up here a couple weeks ago he said my proportions are different than they have ever been.  He said the closest I was to this was at 3 years old.  I do not think I have changed, though.  Not in the ways that matter.  I still fight the same battles, but I have better tools.  I liken it to a sharpening.  When a knife is dull you grind away the old edge and set a new one.  You lose a bit of the original, sure, but in the process the metal is as sharp or sharper than it ever was.  I am now a more confident, capable, and certainly thinner version of myself.  It really feels like when you work and work a bit in a show and you put all of that technical preparation and thought into it and then you stumble upon the right combination of tone, intent, and timing that gets the response you know the moment deserves.  I am more able to be me know.  I am less in my own way.  It is dearly bought, but I have learned lessons that some folks twice my age don't get to experience.  I know for sure I will never go back.