Putting In Time

Boy, for a day off yesterday was sure busy.  I had a callback in the early afternoon.  It did not go as well as I had hoped for a combination of reasons, but I made a choice and took my (one completely cold) chance.  It was exactly the opposite of what they wanted, but I tried to adjust.  We'll see.  By the time I got home and ate a late lunch it was time for me to go to fight call for my show.  The show went well and I got a chance to visit with some friends (thanks Ryans and Davis'!) for 45 minutes and change before my audition at 10:15pm in Arlington Heights.  This one was for Metropolis and it went extremely well.  It is always gratifying when a casting director says you gave a great audition.  I think I am right for a couple of shows they are doing this season, but what they think is more important.  I hope they do think they can use me but I have done what I can do.  No other auditions are on the horizon for a while, but I'm keeping my ear to the ground.

Since shaking off the rust after my forced hibernation from auditioning this winter I have really hit a comfort zone auditioning.  I think there are a couple of reasons.  My weight loss has given me a new confidence physically that cannot but show when I perform.  My good personal habits have also extended to my actor preparation.  I am far from perfect, or even where I really should be, but I am learning the kind of hard work that I have avoided in the past.  I have always known the value of working hard and that an actor has to, but the gratification I feel when I have done my job well is unexpected and a nice reward.   Truthfully some of the anal retentive things I have come up with have surprised me.  I have created a monologue filing system in my computer that allows me to pull up a monologue by time period, style, and play.  Out of character, but useful.  I think all of this boils down to refusing to let the world happen to me anymore, which I suppose means now I am happening to the world, so watch yourself.

Weigh in #20

Blogging from work.  SHHH!  I am on break, so I guess I am safe.  Another up and down week.  On wednesday the scale said I had already lost 3 pounds, but by the next day two pounds were back, which makes me think that after a long rehearsal the night before I turned a 5 into a 2 in my head.  Oh well.  I knew that the more weight I lost the less I would lose at any given time.  I really was excited for what I thought would be a big week, but the results were only middling.  I truly have been building muscle due to my show, which is gratifying.  I am also losing inches which makes my body easier to support.  I just would love for the number sto show it.  Here they are:

Current Weight: 353.2 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 2 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 87 lbs

More tomorrow on my day off.

And It's Only Half Over!

Wow, what a week so far.  I am in hell week for the short play I am in and the festival is what all festivals are: madness.  Add to that my day job and I am pulling some long days.  The brightest silver lining to all of the exertion is that I am definitely giving myself some leeway in terms of calories.  It has been a very positive week on the scales so far even with a couple of slip ups and indulgences.  In the past the weight loss formula has been weighted heavily toward diet, but burning calories has been the key this week.  The demands on my time this week have forced me into some less than ideal choices, but I have had some breathing room to absorb that.  I have tonight off, however, so I was able to cook earlier and I am currently watching the Blackhawks.  I love Thai food because I can cram it full of veggies and it tastes awesome.  The little Thai place around the corner makes a delicious basil chicken so I decided to give it a shot tonight.  I used my Epicurious app to find a recipe that seemed right and added a bunch of veggies to round it out.  I then added one of Minute Rice's instant brown rice cups and had a very full meal.  All of the Asian sauces seem to have higher than ideal levels of sodium, but with light soy and some careful preparation I was able to keep it reasonable. Here are some shots.

Chicken, peppers, jalapenos, mushrooms, and a little onion.  I am boiling down the pan juices and sauce to make it a little less runny.

The basil and lime that I added at the end.

The finished dish.  It was quite tasty.  It didn't get as spicy as I like it, so I added some sriracha hot sauce, but a fine meal all said.

Party!

It is official! The 100 Weight Feast is scheduled for July 3rd at 5pm.  An evite is out and up on facebook as well, but if you need the info post your email and I will add you to the invite.  Don't think I forgot you or do not want you there.  I want everybody.  I just only have a few folks email addresses.   Come celebrate 100 pounds gone for good!

Mind Games

I have always known that this process wasn't going to be easy.  I am fighting 25 years of bad habits and less than ideal genetics.  I did hope some things would get easier, and truth be told some things have.  Having lost as much weight as I have has made exercising so much easier, and therefore more likely to happen.  My stomach has shrunk, so I can't eat as much as I used to.  The one thing that has not gotten easier has been the mental aspect of my diet.  I crave, get tempted, occasionally give in, and then regret.  I find myself thinking about food so much.  Some of that is about planning and doing the preparation that keeps me out of trouble, but the rest, and the majority, is the darker stuff.  It may be my imagination playing tricks on me, but I am so jealous of the people who seem to enjoy food, but over whom food has no hold.  It may be that there is no one like that, but it certainly seems like all those skinny bastards out there have no trouble with, say, a sudden, visceral urge to eat an entire movie theater bag of sour patch kids.  It strikes me that it is as unhealthy to worry and fret over food as much as I seem to at times as to have the sort of emotional connection I have had for years.  It may be that I always have to fight urges like this.  I am extremely lucky to have not known true hunger in my life.  I have been hungry in the "it is time for the next of my three meals today" kind of way, but not the way so many of the less fortunate around us are.  That opened the door for my relationship with food to become what it was for me: a purely hedonistic one.  If that kind of relationship doesn't work between people, imagine how harmful it can be between a person and the thing that keeps them alive.  I am also a very logical guy, and when I make mistakes or struggle with temptation I find it especially galling because it is not a logical thing.  I cannot explain many of those things, so I find them very hard to combat.  Part of me is reluctant to write about this because I don't control it.  However, it just occurred to me that it is logical, in a perverse sort of way, that for such a cerebral person the mental aspect of this journey is proving the hardest.  I don't know what to expect from this posting.  I know I cannot be the only person in this boat.  I suppose that by naming the problem, and sharing it with you, I hope to gain control over it.  It certainly won't happen overnight, but  as Lao-tzu said "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".  If nothing else I have proven that over the last four months.

Follow Up

Great news!  The audition went very well and I have been called back.  This is a theater company I really want to work for, so this is a big deal for me.  I feel like the positive result today is a product not only of the physical work I have been doing, which makes me much more marketable, but as a result of my improved personal habits.  I am preparing for things the way I should.  I am still far from where I need to be to achieve the kind of success I want.  I constantly fight the impulse to sit back, to do it later, to let someone else control what happens to me.  "Proactive" has become my new catch phrase and goal.  I have already had more auditions in the last 4 months than in my first 2 years in Chicago.  There aren't more theater companies, I am just doing the legwork.  It is discouraging to think what I could have done if I had been smarter sooner, but I refuse to lose any more time.

Weigh in #19

Bounce back week.  It wasn't stellar, but results are in line with my expectations.  They had been a little better yesterday, but with my usual day to day fluctuations I came up a little this morning.  I am prepping for an audition as I write, so this post will be short, but I will sum up the week when I return from work tonight.  Here are this week's results.

Current Weight: 355.2 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 4.2 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 85 lbs

That is a nice, round number.  I only have 15 pounds left to reach my 100 pound milepost. I would have to lose 5 pounds a week to hit my goal by my deadline, but with the extra week before the party I should be able to get there before we start celebrating.  I am going to do my best at least.  Everybody who would like an invite please get me your email address.  You can post it here if you are comfortable, or email me at chasemccurdy@gmail.com.  Evites go out this week.

Who Would Have Thought?

Something strange occurred today.  I worked until 4:30 and had rehearsal at 6.  When I looked up directions to the theater where we were doing our walk-through I saw that it was about 3 miles from work.  The theater is easily accessible via public transit, in fact the blue line is steps from both my place of work and the theater.  The odd thing is that I decided to walk.  I obviously didn't have to.  I have been having good results this week and have gotten in a couple of good workouts.  I just did it because I had the time.  I have always shied away from doing more than I have to in instances where it I am the only person affected.  When others are counting on me I am pretty good about stepping up and going the extra mile, but for myself I have tended to do the bare minimum.  I was talking about this with several folks on Monday, but I feel that it is part of my philosophy on choice.  When presented with options, be they physical or dietary, I try to make the best choice out of those options presented.  Walking was the better choice and I had the time to do it.  I think the more I make the right choice the easier it will be to both recognize and accept the best option.