Goals

Alrighty! time for the first week's goals.  This week I will:

Log all meals all week.
Workout at least 3 times
Only have 1 sweet/desert, and limit to 2 alcoholic beverages at a maximum
Take at least 10 minutes every day to reflect on my successes.

The last one I think will be particularly important.  I will update calories daily to help me stay honest on that one.

Welcome Back

Well, its been over a month since my last post.  I think the frustration, burnout (both from work and this process), and restlessness caught up with me.  I needed to behave badly and selfishly for a month or so.  And I certainly did.  Clothes are  bit more snug and the fridge has a conspicuous vacancy in the crisper drawer.  I am back, though.  And I have decided to take a different tack in the coming weeks.  Instead of focusing primarily on weight I will instead set weekly goals.  Should I achieve the goals on a week to week basis the weight should follow.  I will resume weigh ins on the anniversary post in a couple weeks, but I need to get back into some good habits first.  Chicken shit, I know, but whatever gets me back on the horse.  I am lucky to have someone who as agreed to help keep me accountable on a personal basis, so that should help too.  Happy New Year!

Weigh in 2:42

I think halloween took a week to catch up.  I know I can do better, and I already am this week.  This shit is getting old.

Current Weight: 297.2 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -1.4 lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -12 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 143 lbs

Weigh in 2:41

Oh, Halloween.  Candy and beer.  This could have been SO much worse.

Current Weight: 295.8 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -0.4 lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -10.6 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 144.4 lbs

Hovering.  I have 12 weeks until the start of year 3.  If I can lose 1% a week on average I will be right between 260 and 265.  This is going to take commitment, but even if I do 0.5% a week I am looking at getting back down to 280.  I can do this.

This past week was much better on the actor side.  I had a fantastic audition for a big Equity company in the area.  Stylistically the songs required were WAY out of my comfort zone, and I know 2 years ago I would have just let this audition go by.  I do not know if I will book it, but I do know I did well enough to earn the job, and that is all I can do.

Weigh in 2:40

Current Weight: 295.4 lbss
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0.2 lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -10.2 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 144.8 lbs

Well, it is a move in the right direction.  Some of my habits were better this week, but I am still fighting to get back into a good groove.  I was better about logging calories, but could be even better.  More accountability is in order, and I need to post a bit more, but I am moving down.  It is a (re)start.

Weigh in 2:39

I had to do a little math today to figure out what the title of this weigh in is  6 missed weeks.  Here is the damage:

Current Weight: 295.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 440.2 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -6.2 lbs
Weight Loss in Year 2: -10.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 144.6 lbs

I went back and looked at my weigh in from this week last year and I was at 293.8, so the past year has been a wash.  I will say this:  I have maintained a reasonably healthy lifestyle, I have not backtracked, I have had a couple of good gigs, and I think I have finally pushed through the burnout I have been dealing with.  The past six weeks have been "the deep breath before the plunge" to quote Tolkien.  I  feel the need not to rationalize my actions, but to "jujitsu" the admitted failures into a springboard for positive action moving forward. I think I can do that.  I had 4 great days this week, and I probably salvaged 3 or 4 pounds by getting back on track earlier in the week.  My show closes Sunday, and the rental season is slowing, so a re-commitment to the principals that succeeded last year should be within my power.  A renewed focus on physical health needs to be there as well, so walks and workouts need to pick up.  I know that very quickly I can get back to my low water mark and beyond.

Back From Over The Edge

Oh boy.  September 9th was the last time I posted on the blog.  In the last 5 1/2 weeks I have not really been living the lifestyle I set up for myself over the past year and a half.  In a way that was nice.  Between my show and work the mental break was welcome.  Devoting the time, effort, and energy needed to focus on losing weight was proving a bit much for me in that environment.  Needless to say I have been regressing a bit.  My clothes are fitting a bit tighter, my belly and face are a bit rounder, and a few of the minor issues I hadn't experienced in a while came back, like a bit of heartburn in the evenings.  At this point rationalizing and excusing this, or trying to, does very little.  I am not happy about it, but I shouldn't be.  Every day away from this blog and from good habits made it a bit easier to forget about them on the next day as well.  As the consequences of my inaction started to add up though I found myself really wanting to get back on track.  I am not where I want to be yet.  So I'm back!

Here is the lesson I will take the most heed of from the past few weeks: It did not take long for the process of living healthy to seem incredibly daunting after falling off the wagon, despite a year and a half's worth of evidence proving I could do this.  Its amazing.  Some bad habits came back pretty fast, and to be honest I expected some of that.  I am addicted to sugar.  I know that.  I have compulsive urges to go buy candy.  I was not ridiculously unhealthy either, but I did overeat and the lack of discipline got me into trouble with meal scheduling, and those things really add up.  I'm back now though.  I know what I need to do.  Last night I cooked up a bunch of chicken that I have to eat over the next 5 or 6 days.  I have Brussels Sprouts, peppers, and lettuce in the house, so I have the ingredients to capitalize on the rest of the week.  I will be logging my calories for the foreseeable future, and I think that posting them here is not a bad idea to keep me honest.  Without rationalizing this I would really like to use the "break" as a positive.  My show is about to close and work is slowing down.  The excuses are falling away.  They are even building a Subway on my block so that I can have a great meal option when I don't feel like cooking.  I need to take advantage of this time, and I plan to.