Exhale

I made it!  With my party celebrating the achievement planned for this Saturday I had to do it this week, and I did.  This morning I broke 100 pounds.  I hit 101 to be exact.  I am thrilled.  The outpouring of support and congratulations on facebook this morning has been overwhelming.  Thank you to all of you for everything you have done to help me.  I am already one pound into my next 100 and I look forward to knocking that out in short order.

Today is one of those serendipitous days when the "Actor" and "Shrinking" events in my life go hand in hand.  Last night was my second callback for Metropolis, this one for 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.  I went in with a few warnings about the difficulty of the dance call and more nervousness than I have felt for a callback since high school.  This is one of those shows that I have a strong goal set for.  I was called back for the role I wanted.  We started off singing a bit in small groups and after an hour a few folks were cut.  Then the dance started.  My friend who told me about the combination wasn't lying.  The words "one of the hardest dance calls" were thrown around by some pretty dancery looking folks.  We had to have been going for at least an hour and a half.  I probably have the dance call to thank for pushing me over the hump with my weight because of the level of difficulty.  It is one of the best workouts I have ever had.  After the dance call I was a bit worried.  There would be cuts before folks would be allowed to sing their solo stuff.  The word came out and I was in, so over the next hour or two I sang a couple of times and did all I could after such a long and strenuous day.  And then it was done.

Around midnight (I arrived at about 7:00) I got into my car and started the 45 minute drive home.  I was exhausted. I am still a bit tired as a matter of fact, and more than a little sore. I was still a bit nervous because I want the gig, but I was also content.  I have been happy with callbacks before, but this is the first time I felt a sense of achievement over one.  It was hard and long and I was not the slightest bit disappointed with my performance.  I was prepared and happy to be there.  I made some choices, got some laughs, met some great people, and had a great time.  I have heard at least one person I know has been offered a role and I have not heard anything yet, so my expectations of being cast are a bit low right now, but it is hard to be too disappointed.  I did absolutely everything I could.  I left nothing on the table. If I don't get it I will be disappointed, but I won't regret anything about the experience.  I don't know that I have ever had an experience as an actor like that.  Since day 1 of this blog I have talked about my susceptibility to what I call "personal inertia".  I go with the flow.  When I am acting I am not as malleable as I should be.  I make a set of choices and I stick with them.  I am, if I say so, a pretty good actor, so most of the time my choices are perfectly good, but almost never the best they could be if I was more open and agile.  That I do regret because the work I have done is gone and I know in almost any case I could have easily done better if I had put in the effort.  Never again.  My journey to health did not start as one about mentality so much, but as cerebral as I am it certainly has trended that way.  I am learning how to work hard and not settle for whatever comes my way.  I have always feared disappointment, but now I am learning how to be content without being satisfied.  I ask you once again, do not let me become complacent with my work or my health.  I am ultimately responsible, but I guarantee I am going to need a kick in the ass every once in a while, and I hope you will help me with that.  Thank you again for all of your support.  101 and counting.