It has been an interesting week so far. Sketchbook is chugging along and work is exactly what it always is. My callback for Metropolis went well enough, but I have not heard anything yet about that show. I did get another callback for a different production today, however, and that is where today's realizations come from. One of my coworkers also auditioned and was called back relatively early in the afternoon. I did not hear anything for a while and I got more and more worried and impatient. By the time I got home from work I was sure I wasn't called back. I couldn't leave well enough alone though and tried to find out for sure, concocting some story about a possible conflict that I called the casting department with. Thank God they did not answer. I went to my show and decided to let whatever would happen happen. Then they called. And I got the callback I desperately wanted.
As I drove home I reflected on the day. I mused how one thing can turn a lackluster day into a really nice evening. I then realized that the callback experience I just had is a microcosm of my problems with patience in my journey to health. If I had been content with progress as it came I would not have risked considerable embarrassment. I would not have lapsed into poor professionalism. I would have saved myself a lot of grief and disappointment and still gotten exactly what I wanted, just a little later than I wanted it.
Expectation seems to be the crux of the issue. I think it was reasonable to expect a callback. I am perfect for the role and had a really good audition. Putting the theater company on my time line was unreasonable, however. My arbitrary time line came and went, but they just hadn't gotten to my name yet. I feel like I am fighting the same thing with my health. I expect a certain weight loss goal, and when I don't hit it I feel like I have done something wrong. In actuality I have made many more good choices than poor. My body is just changing at its own pace. it can be frustrating even fighting setting unrealistic expectations, especially when I want to set positive goals to push myself. There is a thin line between the two. I don't think I have found the middle ground just yet, but perhaps today is an opportunity to examine. I certainly expect I will improve.