Waiting Game

It has been an interesting week so far.  Sketchbook is chugging along and work is exactly what it always is.  My callback for Metropolis went well enough, but I have not heard anything yet about that show.  I did get another callback for a different production today, however, and that is where today's realizations come from.  One of my coworkers also auditioned and was called back relatively early in the afternoon.  I did not hear anything for a while and I got more and more worried and impatient.  By the time I got home from work I was sure I wasn't called back.  I couldn't leave well enough alone though and tried to find out for sure, concocting some story about a possible conflict that I called the casting department with.  Thank God they did not answer.  I went to my show and decided to let whatever would happen happen.  Then they called.  And I got the callback I desperately wanted.

As I drove home I reflected on the day.  I mused how one thing can turn a lackluster day into a really nice evening.  I then realized that the callback experience I just had is a microcosm of my problems with patience in my journey to health.  If I had been content with progress as it came I would not have risked considerable embarrassment.  I would not have lapsed into poor professionalism.  I would have saved myself a lot of grief and disappointment and still gotten exactly what I wanted, just a little later than I wanted it.

Expectation seems to be the crux of the issue.  I think it was reasonable to expect a callback.  I am perfect for the role and had a really good audition.  Putting the theater company on my time line was unreasonable, however.  My arbitrary time line came and went, but they just hadn't gotten to my name yet.  I feel like I am fighting the same thing with my health.  I expect a certain weight loss goal, and when I don't hit it I feel like I have done something wrong.  In actuality I have made many more good choices than poor.  My body is just changing at its own pace.  it can be frustrating even fighting setting unrealistic expectations, especially when I want to set positive goals to push myself.  There is a thin line between the two.  I don't think I have found the middle ground just yet, but perhaps today is an opportunity to examine.  I certainly expect I will improve.