Friday, June 25, 2010

Waiting Game

It has been an interesting week so far.  Sketchbook is chugging along and work is exactly what it always is.  My callback for Metropolis went well enough, but I have not heard anything yet about that show.  I did get another callback for a different production today, however, and that is where today's realizations come from.  One of my coworkers also auditioned and was called back relatively early in the afternoon.  I did not hear anything for a while and I got more and more worried and impatient.  By the time I got home from work I was sure I wasn't called back.  I couldn't leave well enough alone though and tried to find out for sure, concocting some story about a possible conflict that I called the casting department with.  Thank God they did not answer.  I went to my show and decided to let whatever would happen happen.  Then they called.  And I got the callback I desperately wanted.

As I drove home I reflected on the day.  I mused how one thing can turn a lackluster day into a really nice evening.  I then realized that the callback experience I just had is a microcosm of my problems with patience in my journey to health.  If I had been content with progress as it came I would not have risked considerable embarrassment.  I would not have lapsed into poor professionalism.  I would have saved myself a lot of grief and disappointment and still gotten exactly what I wanted, just a little later than I wanted it.

Expectation seems to be the crux of the issue.  I think it was reasonable to expect a callback.  I am perfect for the role and had a really good audition.  Putting the theater company on my time line was unreasonable, however.  My arbitrary time line came and went, but they just hadn't gotten to my name yet.  I feel like I am fighting the same thing with my health.  I expect a certain weight loss goal, and when I don't hit it I feel like I have done something wrong.  In actuality I have made many more good choices than poor.  My body is just changing at its own pace.  it can be frustrating even fighting setting unrealistic expectations, especially when I want to set positive goals to push myself.  There is a thin line between the two.  I don't think I have found the middle ground just yet, but perhaps today is an opportunity to examine.  I certainly expect I will improve.

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